Minggu, 20 April 2014


Well, you've seen it already. It's my 22 birthday, so,happy birthday to me and happy easter too guys~ It's already 6 AM here. if i'm not mistaken i was born at 2 PM. Well, you know, 22, mmmm, yeah, 22, i just can't explain~ It's a long way. There's a hard times and good times, but from 21 to 22 it's like the hardest part of my life, i feel so sensitive, depress, immature, irresponsible, unaware, all those negativity feeling deep down inside. I feel blessed too because at this time, it's like even in a hard times, every pray, every wish and hope, God has granted for me, whether it takes time or not. It just makes me realized that, whatever happen to me, there's always a way to solve it. Honestly, i'm not a rich kid. My family not from a high level nor a low one, i think we were in the middle one, sometimes they can afford our needs, sometimes they don't too. as a fact, i'm the spoiled one. everything that i want, i must get it right away, never care how much the price is. anything. even it's a toys, games, dolls, gadgets. anything, they will get it for me, sometimes they give it to me directly, sometimes they need time to get it, but i know they will give it to me sooner or later, everytime since a lil' if i don't get something the way i want it to be, i'll be angry right away. i won't talk, won't eat, i'll do anything to get something that i want. there was a time when i wanted a toys but my mom won't buy that for me, and i stayed at the toys shop until the next morning, i won't back to my home, i stayed there 'till i get what i want and then the next morning my auntie pick me up and bought the toys for me. such a jerk, right ? Even 'till now, they still spoiled me, even i have a lil sister which is better than me, smart, never ask anything, she is more behave than me. they still do the same. So, after U life, and some friends of mine having a money probs with their parents and i realized that i'm soooooooo lucky. As i said before, i never understand the value of money, all i did was, just asked and i get it, i never understand how hard my parents works, NEVER, seriously. I finally know that when i get in university. And last year i have some problems and i can't deal it on my own, i can't ask nor tell everyone. All i wanna do just cry and if suicide it's not a sin, i prefer to do it at that moment. That's way i'm depress and mentally ill. And someone told me to pray as long as i could, ask god anything what i want and she told me "everything happened because a reason, maybe God wants something from you, or God miss you, since you've been lost so long~", and it touch my heart, almost everyday everyhour i cried~ , step by step i deal it on my own, but God shows me there's always a way and help, God help by other people kindness, sometimes i get a good flow, sometimes i don't, i cried and wonder why God do this to me? what is He planning for me? at the end, you'll never know what will happened to you tommorow, every wishes, every pray, every hope, God granted for me. God shows me many things that i never take a chance to look for, how much my parents care about me, how many friends that really care about you, how to think and do positively, etc. I'm already ok right now, but deep down inside, my life is hanging around, I just wanna point it out, that, just don't be such a jerk, if you feel lonely, depress, or something. just talk to your family or someone you could trust, if you think they can't solve it, but a lil bit makes you feel better. trust me, or you can talk to me too if you want, as long as i can help, May God give me a way, and i will. And last don't forget to pray too, never under estimate the power of pray. God will always help you, there's 3 ways, God give you what you want directly, God gives you what you want but takes time, and last God gives you something better. Live your life happily and promise me, do good, ok? -J